i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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