i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
