you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
