before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
