i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
