Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
