3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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