fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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