I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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