My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
