im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
