is your mom at the bar?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
