I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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