from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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