Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
