my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
