Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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