i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize