I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
