My friends, they love my intelligence
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
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