So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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