plz talk dirty to me
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
