Swine flu. Run for my life!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize