I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
