I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
