I just pynch a tree in the face
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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