it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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