You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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