I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
