that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
