i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
