nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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