Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This is classic penis vs brain.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
