I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
