I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
