How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
wanna go halves on a baby?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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