Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
