If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
