he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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