I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
