Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
