Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
