i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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