one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
