Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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