That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
