My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
