walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
