My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
