u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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