Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You are a genius and a whore.
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