Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
