I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
