So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
