fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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