look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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