dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hippo gnu deer
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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