I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
