I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Randomize
