I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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