I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
