It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
