Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
