Moan for me like Helen Keller
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize