i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
