The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
